Uff da! Summer has erupted like a hot flash here at Crone Cottage and we are busy making our never-go-outside watchlist. First up: Judy Blume Forever (Amazon Prime, 2023).
Even though her Gen X fans have apparently been clamoring for Margaret in Menopause, Blume recently told Oprah Daily that this isn’t in the cards. We at CronecastTV frankly applaud this! First of all, certainly there is some other aging bleeder out there who can write the great American menopause novel. Second of all, no one who smiles as much as Judy Blume does could possibly have had a normal menopause experience. Third of all, let this icon retire in peace already! Let her tool around Key West in her Mini convertible, donating furniture to her Millennial bookstore employees so that they can brag “Judy Blume masturbated on this bed.”
The documentary takes us from JB’s anxious childhood, riddled with hugely personal and public fears (her father’s early death; Hitler) through her journey as a suburban New Jersey housewife whose first husband indulged her writing “hobby” but never read any of her books. (Helga’s note: we now have Wifey on hold at the library.) It touches on all her greatest hits — the turtle-eating scene in Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing, the bleak moral of Blubber — as recalled by a diverse cast of superfans, writers, and Judy’s own kids. Judy’s mother was unable to discuss anything important, and that made JB fearless in her ability to discuss everything important.
Random highlights:
JB on Crossfire telling Pat Buchanan he seems awfully preoccupied with masturbation (plus ça change amirite)
Blume on marrying young: “I felt so grown up, I bought a girdle to prove it. A mint green one!”
We could listen to Samantha Bee riff on Judy Blume all day (seriously, what’s the deal with undershirts?)
The doc felt a bit beloved icon is beloved and we could have done with out the animated blooming blossom motif during the Margaret segment, particularly if we’re going to start acknowledging women and girls are gross meat people too and not ethereal fairy beings whose pain is divinely inspired and who don’t ever fart, frown, or get period shits. We would have also welcomed a deeper dive into Blume’s thoughts on midlife and aging; the former being omitted entirely and the latter glossed over during the last five minutes with a perfunctory “well, it happens to all of us!”
So Judy, if you’re reading this and feeling salty about it, we’d frankly be honored if you scrawled bitch bitch bitch all over our Substack, like you did with your earliest reviews. But we will forever salute you for all you’ve done fighting against censorship. Maybe the key to not backing down is all that smiling. Maybe we will start smiling a lot see if it works.
(Then again, maybe we won’t.)
At any rate, we look forward to more from directors Davina Pardo and Leah Wolchok, hopefully in the works right now, as we kvetch.
—HH
Next on Helga’s watchlist: Deadloch (must-see crone TV!), Bad Sisters, and oh, it’s summertime — let’s catch up on some childbirth carnage in Call the Midwife